Looking out for me

This is going to be another personal post. If that makes you at all uncomfortable, please feel free to not read it. I just feel the need to be honest about where I am and what I'm going through. It might help someone else, but hopefully it will make someone rethink some of the things they say or post on social media.

I'm going to take a break from Facebook. For at least a few days and longer if needed.

I have been doing the November days of thankfulness thing, which helps me be intentionally thankful and keeps things in perspective while I'm going through a hard time. I'll still be doing this on my own and may start to post what I am thankful for on this blog instead of Facebook, but staying off of that site is important to me right now.

Why?

You may or may not know that during high school I struggled with an eating disorder. I won't get into details because I know that can be a trigger for others who have been or are dealing with this type of thing. Just know that I lost over 70lbs in mostly unhealthy and obsessive ways, ending up just over 100lbs with a terrible immune system, weak and sick all the time. I tried very hard to hide it and thankfully was never hospitalized, as I know many people have to be. My junior year a lot of things changed and I began recovering. I've been mostly healthy for nearly 10 years.

Yet there have been times when it is a struggle to overcome the same urges and feelings I used to have. Lately, while dealing with the weight I gained in graduate school, fighting a relapse has been especially hard. It is a battle every. single. day.

So what does this have to do with Facebook? One of my triggers is and has been the comments of others. Not directed at me, but the comments of people (mostly other women) about themselves.  I see women who are MUCH thinner than I am talking about weight they need to lose or how fat they look in pictures. If they think that about themselves, what terrible things do they think about me? This happens so much on my facebook feed right now that I just need to avoid it all together. The irony is that I know I have been guilty of this same type of behavior and comments. Not just when I was in high school and actively dealing with it (because at that time I literally could not see a difference between myself and someone much heavier than me), but also more recently. It is hard to remember that comments about yourself not only perpetuate negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself, but also can hurt others that you never intended to comment on.

So right now, it is just too hard for me to run across those kinds of comments and remember that they have nothing to do with me. I'm just going to do what I need to do to stay healthy. And right now that means taking a few days or longer off of checking facebook, until I feel strong enough to do so.

Thanks for understanding. If you need to reach me, you know my information.

I'm still here

Hi all.

So, I've been MIA for a long time now. It was never my intention to go so long between posts. Ideally, I'd like to post weekly or even more frequently.

So why the long hiatus? I've been battling depression in a big way. I've suffered from depression for a long time, but until recently I have managed it well and had things mostly under control. For the past couple of months, that was not the case at all. Depression can be debilitating and exhausting, which is why I took a break from this blog, along with many other things in my life.

I debated if I should say anything on here about it, since the whole idea of depression and other mental health issues can have such a stigma and people sometimes judge, or just don't understand. But that is never going to change unless people talk about it, so I decided to let you know why I have been gone so long.

I may discuss this topic more in the future, again, just as a way to help others who are experiencing similar situations or to bring awareness to those who don't understand what a serious thing it can be, but for now, I'll leave it with what I've just said.


So on to the real update: Since I've been gone, I have participated in a 5k, lost somewhere between 7 and 10 pounds, made some fun halloween costumes, had a lot of hard days, but also had many wonderful days with my husband. I'm participating in my second Diet Bet currently and am considering hosting one. It has been a real motivator to me. Would anyone be interested in joining?

Okay. Details. I did not reach my goal for the 5K. I wanted to be able to run the whole thing. I wasn't even close. I got a leg cramp before it even started. And even if I had not cramped up, I still would not have been able to run the entire thing. I just plain didn't train hard enough. But, I DID finish. I probably actually ran about 2 or 2 1/2 Kilometers of the 5.  Next time I'll do better, but for my first, I figure this is an okay start. I've never been a good runner, so I'm still looking at it as an accomplishment for me.

I worked hard, you can tell because my face matches my hair.

Most of all it was a fun time. I spent time with my cousins and ran in the dark with all sorts of glowing things on. And as a bonus we made it into the local newspaper.

Not super flattering, but there I am!

Well, I think that's been plenty for you to read for one day, even given that you haven't had any news from me for a while. 

I'll leave you with a picture from Halloween. Hubs and I went to his cousin's halloween party and had a fantastic time. I loved getting to meet some people and just socialize, since I don't do a lot of that right now, as I do not know very many people around here. We went as Soap and a Loofa. I made our costumes, which was lots of fun. I liked having a reason to be crafty again. 

We're too cute, I know ;)

'Til next time- The Real Life Mrs. Robinson, signing off.