Looking out for me

This is going to be another personal post. If that makes you at all uncomfortable, please feel free to not read it. I just feel the need to be honest about where I am and what I'm going through. It might help someone else, but hopefully it will make someone rethink some of the things they say or post on social media.

I'm going to take a break from Facebook. For at least a few days and longer if needed.

I have been doing the November days of thankfulness thing, which helps me be intentionally thankful and keeps things in perspective while I'm going through a hard time. I'll still be doing this on my own and may start to post what I am thankful for on this blog instead of Facebook, but staying off of that site is important to me right now.

Why?

You may or may not know that during high school I struggled with an eating disorder. I won't get into details because I know that can be a trigger for others who have been or are dealing with this type of thing. Just know that I lost over 70lbs in mostly unhealthy and obsessive ways, ending up just over 100lbs with a terrible immune system, weak and sick all the time. I tried very hard to hide it and thankfully was never hospitalized, as I know many people have to be. My junior year a lot of things changed and I began recovering. I've been mostly healthy for nearly 10 years.

Yet there have been times when it is a struggle to overcome the same urges and feelings I used to have. Lately, while dealing with the weight I gained in graduate school, fighting a relapse has been especially hard. It is a battle every. single. day.

So what does this have to do with Facebook? One of my triggers is and has been the comments of others. Not directed at me, but the comments of people (mostly other women) about themselves.  I see women who are MUCH thinner than I am talking about weight they need to lose or how fat they look in pictures. If they think that about themselves, what terrible things do they think about me? This happens so much on my facebook feed right now that I just need to avoid it all together. The irony is that I know I have been guilty of this same type of behavior and comments. Not just when I was in high school and actively dealing with it (because at that time I literally could not see a difference between myself and someone much heavier than me), but also more recently. It is hard to remember that comments about yourself not only perpetuate negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself, but also can hurt others that you never intended to comment on.

So right now, it is just too hard for me to run across those kinds of comments and remember that they have nothing to do with me. I'm just going to do what I need to do to stay healthy. And right now that means taking a few days or longer off of checking facebook, until I feel strong enough to do so.

Thanks for understanding. If you need to reach me, you know my information.